It's June..

I've never really been one for June. My marriage fell apart in June. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and was put on the world's most mundane diet ever in June. I was emotionally screwed around with in June. I just don't really enjoy June. Sure... Steve and I got back together-ish in June though. But I find that I get moody in June. Especially now that I have friends who are all getting married or getting pregnant and I honestly feel completely left out. I know Steve's supposed to be moving down soon, but it feels like forever away and honestly there are moments where I doubt the whole situation and sit at home thinking that I was just kidding myself when I decided to give a long distance thing a shot. I ponder about old relationships and wonder if I will ever get over Logan or if I'll ever stop wanting to be this object of desire for Homer, Adam and Jon. I wonder if this is even fair to Steve. If I shouldn't put everything on hold for a while so that I can take a deep breath and make sure that I'm not screwing anyone over - especially Liam and Steve. I love them both, but the odd thing is, I feel guilty that I don't love Steve as much as I love Liam. I know it's normal. And the other thing is, when does Logan leave my daily thoughts. Yes, he angers me more than any person on the planet would ever dare to, and most of the time I feel my hatred for him more strongly than anything else, but at the same time... I love him. I hate that I love him. I hate that I get an excited feeling mixed in with my dread when I get whenever I get an email from him or I know he's coming to get Liam. He's a horrible horrible man, but I can't help how I feel. Sara's coming this weekend, so I'm sure this will be dissected and soforth until I feel normal again.

The other thing is... I'm sick of having my period. Seriously. I got the IUD put in and I was all excited cause the lady said I might even stop having my period with this thing in. But no. I bled for 3 weeks last time and now after a week off, I'm back to bleeding again. Seriously. If I'm going to bleed like this, I want the baby that usually accompanies crap like this.