Fidelity

I'm a firm believer in fidelity. Maybe it's because I've been the one who was cheated on. But I was a firm believer before that too. Once I've made a commitment to someone, that's it. All other members of their sex are just... there. Not important in that special way. I've had a few friends who have tried to cross that boundary with me, and they're no longer my friends. I guess it all comes down to respect. If you respect the person you're with, you don't consider anyone else an option. If you respect your friends, you don't try to mess up what they have. It's kind of sad cause I'm down to only one man I can call my friend because of the lack in respect. I miss some of those who I've had to let go of, but they just couldn't respect my relationships of the past - which cost me a lot. Maybe not the relationship, but it certainly didn't help them at all. J is completely against opposite sex friends because of all of the above. I understand it, but I see the value of male friends as long as they remain just friends and as long as they can respect the boundaries put up around the relationship. Few people can do that nowadays though. And now that it's been brought to the forefront of my thinking, I'm worrying about it. Is this friend my friend because we get along and can talk about things without sex or anything sexual getting in the way, or is he my friend because he's waiting for the perfect timing to actually be with me in the biblical sense? *sigh* I rarely talk to him as it is, but golly is this making me think very seriously and hard about the nature of friendships. I know I don't keep him around for the purpose of having a back up. I'm not attracted to him as anything more than a friend. And ultimately, I know that the only person who I can control the actions of is myself, which then comes down to the question of do I trust myself? Of course I do. I have a very strong moral compass and get nauseous everytime I start down the path of something suspect. I follow my gut and my heart and it's not lead me astray yet.

I know that some people may wonder if I truly feel that way, especially when taking into account my marriage and past engagement. I can honestly say yes. From my marriage I got L. The sweetest, most generous little boy in the world and from my engagement I gained a lot of answers to questions I'd had since I was 15. From this new relationship, I'm already gaining things that are invaluable. I'm learning how a relationship is supposed to really work and that it's not as hard as everyone makes it out to be. I really love being with J. He loves me more for my mind than my body and that's the first time I've ever experienced that. It's more flattering than any compliment I've ever received. I'm not going to get into any detail though. Everyone needs a little privacy and that includes me. Just know that I'm a happy camper kiddos.

Onto other topics: ie the huge snowstorm that trapped me in my house for all of yesterday. Craptacular if I might say so. I had things I needed to get done, and being stuck in my house didn't help much with that. At least today the wind has stopped, the snow has stopped and it's all just clean up. There was huge snow drift up to my ears against my door this morning while the rest of the sidewalk was clean. Talk about a pain in the arse to clean up. Thankfully I didn't have to. Oh the joys of renting. :) L is home from school today and irritated with me cause I won't let him outside to play so we're catching up on chores. lol poor little guy. I've taken advantage of the day to finish my taxes though, so that is one less thing on my list of things to do. Thank God. I just don't understand people who wait. Why wait? Just get it the hell over with and enjoy knowing that you don't have to do it anymore. It's the one thing I can say with confidence that I NEVER procrastinate on. I love getting them out of the way. I can't really say I have anything else for today. Just relaxing with the kiddo once we finish up chores. :)