Stay

I'm doing really well. Like, really well. I'm actually looking forward to work with a smile kind of really well. J met my bugaboo the other day and that went really well. They both seem to like each other pretty well, which was really important to me (obviously) to have the two men I care about most actually like each other. It tends to make things easier. I'm just really happy about things lately. I spent the night at J's for the first time on Saturday and in the morning he made me breakfast. I have never had someone make me breakfast before. Just because he wanted to. It was really really sweet of him and I love him for it. It was just toast and eggs, but who cares? It was made out of love and that made it better than anything else could have been. All of this has just been like a dream. It's all I think about right now and all I want to do is just make him happy in some way. The weird thing is, I'm a chatty girl and when I think of him or am near him, I just... I have no words. I search for them and they just aren't there and I'm not used to being rendered speechless. I can only hope my actions can make up for that. I'm just so awkward and nervous around him still. It's cute, I'm sure. :)

On a seriously down note, I found out that a friend of mine from high school has been sent home to die. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a while ago and she went to Mayo to fight and fight she did, but the doctors have run out of treatments. I honestly can't believe it. She's just such a vital woman. I don't really know her anymore, but she was one of the popular kids who actually liked hanging out with me. She was always kind, always smiling and very sweet in high school and I can only imagine that those attributes have deepened as she became a woman. I hate to think of her suffering or her leaving behind her small child and husband. I can't even begin to think of how hard it is on her, much less them. To want to live so very much and know that the end is approaching regardless of "fairness". I don't often pray, because I think God has better things to do than listen to me, but God had better listen now because she doesn't deserve to suffer anymore. She deserves peace and a pain-free release from the hell she's been through. Cancer is fucking unfair.