another old poem

I wrote this a few years ago. I'd say it's the most theraputic thing I've ever written and helped me to get to where I am today. I'm kind of proud of it - mainly because of the length.

"The Orphan's Lament"

how does a child survive
without a parent in sight
i wonder if it's strength
but for me, it was spite

they may not have loved me
for everything i was
but i loved them both with the ardor
that every child does

my dad was never there
he barely tried to know me
he came, he left, we had some laughs
but never truly loved me

my mother seemed to grudge me
the needs i had for love
and since i was her daughter
her hate's somewhat ungloved

no one talks about the orphans
whose parents aren't dead
but they might as well be
since my parent was in my head

i find i'm full of anger
why couldn't they have tried
and if they didn't want me
why'd they have to lie

i know that i'm not perfect
but i was never wild
i toed the line, i never cried
i was the "perfect" child

i tried to raise my brothers
who were older than me
but you never stopped to notice
that no one was raising me

so now i am a grown up
with a six year old inside
wishing you had loved her
wishing she had died

maybe then you would have noticed
you had a child in so much pain
but i know you'll never care or see
my affection's start to wane

i've become a woman
so much smarter than you'll believe
i don't want your love again
cause i know you'll always leave

so good-bye my crappy parents
your orphan's over you
i don't care how you react now
and i bid you a strong adieu.