This has been a pretty trying couple of weeks. Most of it has been fantastic thanks to J, but it's still pretty hard. My car decided to be a bitch and that drained my bank account to the point where I'm actually starting to freak out about things. I generally try not to freak out, cause it really gets me nowhere fast, but *sigh* it's just not working right now. And on top of it all, my mother verbally lashed me when I called her with news of the car being a pain in the ass. Apparently, I'm not trying hard enough, I need to be begging for more hours at work, I need to tell my conductor to pay me for rehearsals - not just weekly performances, I need to get my voice studio up and running faster (more on that in a mo) and I need to actually be appreciative of all the things that she's done for me. *sigh* talk about being made to feel like a worthless burden. It pretty much ruined my day and I'm still pissed at her despite her calling me up later on that day to "apologize". I put it in quotations because the words "I'm sorry" were never even uttered. I am appreciative. And to be honest, I really do feel like a worthless burden most of the time when I think about my relationship with her. I hate being fucked over financially and I just want to find a job where I'm making a difference in someone's life and not just being a cog in the corporate capitalistic machine.
That being said, I'm working on starting up my voice studio. Nothing grand or anything, but I'm pretty excited about it. I've managed to hopefully get an accompanist who could help me out and I'm actually optimistic about all of it. I'm being proactive. Go. Me.
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