Someone Like You

Well, I have less than a week left here in Iowa. Thanks to my obsessive nature, my house is completely packed, except for a few choice items. I'm ready to be out of here, and I'm finally looking forward to it. I have a job now and a lovely home that I'll be moving into next Tuesday. Don't worry, I'll keep updating for my small audience.

Tonight Lo and I sat down with our boy and talked about how we're still a family and that he'll still get to see his dad even though we're moving 425 miles away. *sigh* L is so nervous about this move and I wish I could make it better for him. He's made so many good friends this year and I wish he could take them with him, but I trust in providence that he will make new friends quickly.

The only downside to this move (other than no longer living with S) is that our annoying neighbors got evicted last weekend and I don't even get to enjoy their absence. Granted, my other neighbors on the other side put on a damn good show today by screaming loud enough at each other for me to make out words. Golly. I am not going to miss these people. I'm not going to miss the bitchy pre-teen and teenaged girls who like to torture my child for fun either.

Anywho... that's about it for now.

Saul, Saul was verfolgst du mich?

This move is driving me insane. I haven't re-read my last entry to ensure no repeats, but I'm moving in 2 weeks. You really can't blame me... much. My entire life is all packed up. I'm waiting to hear on the apartment and I'm starting to freak out. I have only a few clothing articles left in my closet - most of which are work clothes. I have one pair of pajamas out, no books (oh I'll get to books next) or movies and just a few things left out. I just hope my move goes smoothly. I hope. I hope. I hope.
Books. Oh god am I ashamed. I read the Twilight Saga. I am so ashamed at how much I loved them. I am an intelligent, well educated woman and things like this should NOT hold any water with me. But God I loved it. I loved the whole story even though the writing was like a 5 year old had written it. It was so good. I let my inner 14 year old out and now she just wants more more more. So I'm renting the movies through Netflix and then I'm pretty positive I will want them for Christmas along with Harry Potter. *sigh* I hate being reminded that I am such a girl. But like my cousin reminded me, everyone needs a little junk food every now and then.

I've noticed an increase in the number of married men who are hitting on me. It went from none to 3-4 a week. I don't get it. I'm not interested and I would really like to know where they're getting the idea that I would be interested in saving them from the monotony of their marriages. I'm really not. I'll be friends with pretty much anyone, but I'm not going to be the woman who breaks apart a marriage or worse, a family. I just don't get it though. Yes, I have a thing for older men, but I didn't think I had to specify that they be single as well. I honestly believed that was a given. Unfortunately, I am like a lightning rod for the lecherous men of my current area. The one that upsets me the most is that one of them is a friend of mine from high school. I don't want to break up his marriage. He just had a baby for Christ's sake. I just want him to be a happy man with his new family and to watch from the sidelines. And the biggest issue with all of this is J. I'm not even available. I'm just in a long-distance relationship. It certainly doesn't mean I'm available in the slightest. I just wish these "outstanding" examples of manhood would just work on their marriages and making their wives happy instead of turning to me in the hopes that I will make things better for them only. *sigh*

I'm no Superman

It's autumn. 3 years ago I told my father to never contact me ever again. I'm about to move and he'll have no idea where I am. I like that. See, he's an alcoholic. He told me I should have been aborted or at least he let his wife say it. I don't know. It was in an email. I haven't heard from him though in the last 3 years. I have nightmares where he shows up at my house and demands that I let him in. I would never let him in. But, I have to admit, I miss him. This time of year is especially difficult for me because of this. He had been so good for so long that when he leapt off the wagon, I barely knew what hit me. I'm terrified of alcohol because of him. I worry about my brothers because of him. I worry about my child's future choices because of him. It's not fair. I lost my father figure when I was 15 and my grandpa died. I thought I had forged a relationship with my biological father that could possibly be somewhat normal. His sudden change over the course of a month... it felt like a punch to the gut. I was winded... for a long time.