I've been neglecting my blog horribly. I guess I just didn't feel like writing about the mundane. L's started school today and he's already having problems with the neighborhood kids. They decided to pick on him and he reacted by tackling the kid who started it. Then when he came in crying afterwards they continued to harass him by knocking on the door relentlessly, further upsetting him. I think it's time for him to go to therapy. I've been dreading it... it feels like it's my fault and like I've done something wrong. I know he gets his hyper-sensitivity from me. I hate that to be completely honest. I wish he had his father's easy temperment. I wish he could just make friends easily... He's invited 6 people to his birthday and only 2 have responded. The party is on Saturday and I hate seeing his "friends" reject him.
It scares me to be considering moving next spring when I know he's just not good with change. My poor little boy is so much like me and I'm so broken that I don't know how to fix me... how am I supposed to teach him coping skills when I don't have any? I feel like such a failure as a parent right now. I just want to protect him and I can't when he's at school. I can barely protect him at home. I wish the adults around here would just parent their children. What the hell happened to raising your children to be nice and kind and considerate of others? I've always tried to make sure that L understand that he's entitled to nothing but my love and that he has to earn his friendships through being nice and kind and considerate. Instead, now he's the one getting dumped on. I wish I knew what to do, but I feel so fucking helpless.
Work has been stressing me out too. The past two nights I've had to bring it home with me and I hate that. I want my evenings to be my own. Plus tomorrow, I have to go in early and I'll probably have to go in on Friday even though it's my day off. *sigh* I'm just exhausted right now. I'm also upset from missing J, which is kind of ridiculous. I'm trying to be detached enough where it's not a problem, but I'm just not that girl. I'm the kind that jumps into the pool without checking the temperature - regardless of whether or not it's a good idea. I guess I just want to know that I'm not the only one who is going all in. J's not one for a lot of words though. He's quiet and often I know what he's feeling or thinking, but I just miss him a lot tonight. This feeling will pass. I know it will, or at least it will lessen in intensity. I could use a coma about now. A nice long coma.
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