It's been a surprisingly decent week. My mother has been ramping up her efforts to get a reaction out of me in the last couple weeks. It culminated in her deciding to just show up at our home last weekend, using her desire to sign over her van to me as her excuse. Thankfully, we got up early, drove up to her house (while she was en route to our home) and dropped the car off. I reiterated my desire for her to stay away in a letter, but I think it will only be a bandaid over a bullet wound. Afterwards, I had a great day, but I don't know how worth it it was considering the morning.
I am having a hard time with this. I really want to just accept that I don't get to have a mom. I want one though. Who doesn't? I just don't get one. I have mother figures, who are kind and loving, but I don't know if I could come running to them in tears if something horrible happened. I don't trust people. It's funny, I see the best in people for the most part, but I don't trust them at all.
I have so many uncried tears that I just want to get out. I'm so used to having to hold myself together that the idea of letting go is terrifying.
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