Just an Old Fashioned Love Song

I think this is gonna be a short one. I had a really nice realization today. I was watching some silly romantic comedy and I realized that after years of saying "I wish I had that" when the two main characters finally get together (even when I was in so-called healthy relationships), I finally have that. I know beyond a doubt that J would do all that silly stupid crap to make sure I knew how much he loves me. I would do it too. What a wonderful thought. I have the start of a possible happily ever after. He's not the man of my dreams... no one ever will be, but he's the sweetest most wonderful man I've ever been with. He's honest. That's a first for me. He doesn't manipulate me into doing things that I don't want to do, or worse things that are horrible for me. He wants me to do things that are good for me, for L and those things will ultimately be good for us. For once I got lucky and for once I recognize that my past adult relationships were unhealthy from the start. I love J. Not the insanely, uncontrollable passion that characterized my adolescent relationships, but a deeper more stable love, with passion that doesn't pour over into stupid fights about nothing, passion that in that respect is controlled and steady. I'm more cautious and yes, I've wanted to run away, but instead I listened and supported J through his issues and I'm closer to him than I ever was with anyone before. I'm not thinking marriage right away like I always have in the past. I recognize that it will come in time and the road there is the best part. I'd like to think that this is headed in that direction and that one day, if he doesn't propose to me, I'll get off my high horse and propose to him. But not today, not tomorrow, not even next month. I want to love him for years and not blow it by some silly moment of insecurity. I love him.