Summer has come to its close and I'm packing up my home for a move to Wisconsin. I don't know how this is all going to work. I'm nervous and scared and unsure as to whether this is the right move. Even my mother has raised her concerns as to how well I will be able to handle being so close to her. A question that my therapist, S and I have raised, but it's more important for L to be close to family and support than it is for me to have a 600 + mile barrier between myself and her. Who knows, it might only be for a few years if J and I end up getting married or just living with one another. Nonetheless, I need to get out of here. It feels like a cage and that's just not fair to me or to L. I need to feel free to explore my talent and my life more fully and here in DSM I'm just stifled and cramped and feeling like I have no where to go but to stagnate and I won't do that to myself. Ideally, I would be moving in with J, but neither of us is ready for that stage. It would just be nice if I could see him on a somewhat regular schedule.
I've been missing him a lot lately. I don't know why.. I know I can talk to him pretty much whenever I feel like it. I guess it's just the physical aspect... not sex you dirty monkeys, but rather holding his hand, giving him a hug when he comes home from work, kissing him goodnight, being able to look at him when he talks. Just little things like that. I miss watching a movie with him and sharing a bowl of popcorn. I get to see him next month when we all are planning to go to visit him. It will be so nice to see him. :)
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