Before it Breaks

I miss J. I want to text him, to call him and tell him that too. I keep thinking of things that I miss already that I'll never hear him say or call me again. It took him months to be able to call me Aimee Lou - everyone calls me that - and I remember how thrilled I was to hear it out of him. Not talking to him is unbearable, but I know this is for the best. I just wish I had the fortitude to be so firm in my resolve all the time. I've left my phone at home more often than not lately just to avoid the temptation, but I still run to it once I'm home hoping that he's sent me a word. How pathetic. How utterly pathetic of me. I hate this, why can't you just be suited for someone because you love them? Why can't loving them just be enough? Why can't it just be fair?! I know I've said this before, and I'm sure it'll come back to bite me in the ass too, but I'm done with men for a while. I need to focus on my future and I can't do that when I know I'm just going to be leaving in a year. I just hope I quit crying myself to sleep soon.