I'm really happy lately. Which really makes me question my doctor's choice to put me in IOP. Sure I have depressive tendencies and I'm having anxiety issues relating to my mother coming at the end of this week, but that doesn't mean that I can't handle my life. If anything this is just messing up my life because I have to make time for it despite my work schedule, which really isn't helping much at work to be completely honest. But my life is going fine. Yes, mom is coming and yes, she and I fight.. a lot. But Liam is doing well, I'm making time for my music on a near daily basis, and I have a genuinely kind man that I'm seeing and loving every minute of it. Things are going so well. So, why am I in IOP? I'm going to try to get out of it asap to be rid of it. I'm not impressed with how it's going thus far. There's a judge-y woman there who gave me an earful about how I should just be grateful my mother's alive. Of course I'm grateful she's alive, however, I would like her to treat me like a human being instead of making me feel like I'm about 2 inches tall with her commentary. I have a feeling that I won't be doing much talking with this woman in the room.
So, about this kind man I'm seeing. All you're getting is his first initial, J. J is probably the first person who really wants to know ME in a very long time. My past with depression and my one suicide attempt scares him, but hasn't scared him away. I'm absolutely shocked. He's not most men and that's such a relief. I don't want any run of the mill man who is so common he can't keep up with me either out of a lack of desire or a general incapability. We talk every day and ask each other the strangest questions we can think of. It's still in that honeymoon phase where everything is interesting and everything is wonderful and we just want to know everything about each other and that's really really fun right now. I have an uncle who told me that the honeymoon phase never has to end, you just have to work really hard at it. If nothing else I hope it lasts for a long time. We have so much in common in terms of our personal belief systems and that's just huge for me. I need someone who acknowledges God and someone who believes that while we're imperfect beings, we should still strive to be better. I've never really had that. Most of the men I've dated seem to think they're God's gift to the world and that's about as far as their belief in God goes. How sad for them. I just feel I have so much to learn from J and so much to offer him - most importantly, it's all outside of the bedroom. I look forward to sharing so much with him and eventually having our children meet so we can all do things together. I keep hoping to spend a weekend in Chicago with him and the children, going to museums and the aquarium. Silly? Maybe a little, but I don't care. I'm a born dreamer and I embrace it.
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