The Damage In Your Heart

*sigh* So, I think J and I are on a break. Not a break up, but a break. I've been crying all morning. All I wanted was to meet him for coffee. I got up early so he wouldn't have to go through his daughter's surgery alone. I picked out a dress that he once said I looked pretty in. I showered, I shaved my legs, I put on a perfume he likes. I texted him I was ready when he was. No answer. So I went to the coffee shop thinking maybe he was already there. I texted him again when I got there, and nothing. I waited 20 minutes, ordered my coffee and left to run errands. I had gotten less than 3 miles away and he calls asking where I am. I told him I had just left the coffee house and he was at my house.. or leaving it. I don't know why he got angry. I really don't. I didn't do anything wrong. He hung up without even saying I love you. At least he said good-bye. I texted and apologized for his being angry, but I was hurt and didn't word it right as usual. I suggested he take a break from me because he hasn't been happy with me for a while now. I just want him to be happy and if that's without me, fine. I wish he'd just put me out of my misery though. I'm tired of feeling like the only thing I can do right for him is sexual. I get that he's mad at me about my "friend" trying to kiss me. I didn't do anything wrong there either. I took care of it. It won't happen again and that's that. But I feel like he thinks something more happened. He grilled me about it last night and when I got frustrated and asked him what he wanted to know he got angry. *sigh* Maybe he thinks I wanted it. Maybe he thinks I encouraged it. Maybe he's lumping me in with his ex. I don't know. I'm scared ask now because I'm afraid he's going to get angry with me about it. I want him. I want him forever, but if he really doesn't want me he's got to cut me loose cause I don't think I can walk away. But I'm tired of hurting. This past month has been nothing but hurting. He pulls away and I don't know what to do. I just sit and wait, hoping it will get better. Does he want it to?