Losing My Religion

I've walked away from religion lately. I was so hardcore about it this past winter and spring and now... I have bigger problems in my life to be honest. I miss it though. I miss having it as a central focus in my life and I know I need to stop being so lazy and just grit my teeth and do it. I like the feeling it has to offer me in terms of comfort and it's nice to know I'm not alone and that I have something important to lean on instead of just being the vapid narcissist that I know I am. I need a focus in my life so I don't become blurry and honestly, I feel fuzzy around the edges.

I'm getting more and more worried about grad school now that the prospect of it is looming on the horizon. I want Illinois State the most and Louisville second, but I have to take the GRE and the expense of that alone is just daunting. At least I can get my application fees waived, but it's so nerve wracking to try and find the right ways to get the scholarships I need. I'm a list maker and I've been making list after list after list of things I need to do, how much it's going to cost, what requirements each school has for admission, who I want to ask for my recommendations.. etc. It's just so overwhelming. I may have to ask S to help me sort all of this out and I need to know for certain what it is that I need. She's so awesomely organized and I just want a checklist for each school. I'm lucky to have her as my bff. She helps me to be less fuzzy.