Lithium

Well, J and I are on a break. I don't know what to think of it. He believes I'm on my way out of the relationship and from what I gathered from him, he is too. It's really sad and upsetting. I love J. I love him so much it hurts sometimes, but maybe he's right. Maybe we aren't suited to one another... maybe we're just better off calling it quits now before hurt feelings get in the way. The only problem with all of that? I love him. How am I supposed to just walk away from someone I love? I've been taking some space trying to figure out what it is in my life that is bringing me down. I still don't know what it is, but J is convinced that it's him. *sigh* What am I supposed to do?

I spent most of today near tears from it. Just passing the time by watching Harry Potter and reading. My friend J, in Chicago, wants me to come visit him for his 30th birthday at the end of this month to cheer myself up. I think I'll go too. It's been 3 years since I've been to visit him and I could use the camaraderie. H said he'll come too so we'll all be able to hang out together and have a blast. H has the idea that we should go see this symphony orchestra that plays music from video games and J is all about it. I suppose I can geek out with them for a little while... as long as I get my day at the art museum and downtown. They're good boys and fun to hang out with and it's been... oh god.. at least 7 years since we all got together. I'm looking forward to it too. It'll be a blast.