Somewhere

I've been very insular the last few days. I guess I've just needed the space to think and it's just not helping. I'm not so good at bringing up what's bothering me, especially when they're little things that when weighed against the positive balance out. But I want things to be more than just neutral. I want happy.. not all the time because I know that's just unrealistic, but right now I just feel lost. I rarely have anything to say to my therapist.. it feels like I'm just grasping for things to talk about and yet I have so much that I need to talk about. My daddy issues, more of my mommy issues... my annoyance with L's need to completely disregard everything I have to say... heck I could even spend a lot of time talking about my intimacy issues I have with J. I love him, but he scares me sometimes... well maybe not scares more like intimidates me. *sigh* I wish I understood why too. Oh well... that's enough for tonight.