Mr. Brightside

It's funny how an email can make you feel better. One of my mother's cousins emailed me to tell me she not only reads my blog, but she cares too. Wow. It's amazing how much that improved my mood. I was worried that today was going to be yet another "woe is me" kind of day, but thankfully my day is starting out much better than I expected. I don't care today that I have mother issues or father issues or boyfriend issues. I just want to focus on what my future holds because ultimately, my future is about me. Not any of them. Just me. L is a passenger on my ride right now and someday, I will be a passenger on his. It'll be nice to give up the reins to be honest.

So, grad school. I'm finally considering UW-Madison. It's the brass ring to be honest. My gpa isn't the best truth be told, but I think I'm talented enough to make it in. I wish the whole thing with dad hadn't happened during the last year of undergrad because with my meds stopping their effectiveness as well, it completely screwed over my gpa. *sigh* unfortunately, how do you explain that to a admissions panel? Sorry my gpa sucks, my father told me I should have been aborted and my depression medication stopped working? Somehow I don't think they'd be receptive to that. I wish they would be though. It was such a horribly hard year because of it. Sometimes, I miss my dad, but more often I miss my grandfather who took his place years before when he first abandoned me as a baby. Anyways, I'm also looking at the University of Minnesota Twin Cities, Illinois State University and University of Louisville.

Louisville is really my safety school. I know I'll get in. Easy. But I don't want to be that far away from everyone I know. I'll be closer to P, but he's so busy with his life that I know he wouldn't want to waste in on a trip to Kentucky to see his kid-sister. His free time is spent with his partner and their friends. So that leaves Illinois State and Minnesota. Either one will do for me to be honest. I just hope I don't have to break up the household. S is my sister in many ways and I hate the thought of living without her, despite my sometime yearning for independence. *sigh* Everything is just so complicated, but it will be okay. Whether I have to go to grad school alone or if I go with S. Either way, I'll have L, and that's all that matters.